Things to Do When Quarantined
[Note: This is a slightly sardonic parody article]

Saturday, March 14, 2020

So, this week we know you’re probably reading this from your hut or tent or igloo in a remote part of civilization with candle light. If you have not already been invaded, infected by a global paranoia/ pandemic or paralysis of thought then you likely will be soon. It’s COMING for ya! Hahaha.

Okay so it’s likely not very funny and people are touching things and making people antsy (see the basketball player who accidentally was unaware and was poking surfaces in jest… hey honest mistakes happen). People are social animals and wanting to handshake and hug and be cordial but probably silently screaming inside, pumping the hand sanitizer bottles whilst bathing in it and drinking it trying to wash away what we used to call “cooties” in our elementary school. It is important to do this (not the drinking part) if you are actually in an area that requires this or actually infected. (Don’t get us wrong you need to do what you need to do but would you still read our site if it wasn’t slightly informative, entertaining and giving you an alternative way of thinking? We think not. Keep reading.)

So some amazing things happened this week. First markets took a massive nose dive. We have not seen one quite like this in a while and it was both thrilling and also gave a case of 401-k sticker shock in the best way possible. Kids, … I’m talking you self-employed entrepreneurs working those sweat-shop factories. Now is the time to STACK that cash. You will probably be rich beyond your dreams if this market keeps diving and there’s still an economy around in 80+ years. As long as stuff bounces back. Good luck Gold Bugs. Yes, gold has done well in bear and recession markets in the last years. And it has head pretty steady for the last week as well. Silver and copper and platinum dropped quite a bit and especially hit hard was palladium. There was at least a $500 drop in price on Thursday. Guess it would have been smart to have bought closer to this down market then at all time highs a few weeks ago. Oops. Haha. (We booboo’ed.)

Everything and I mean everything is dropping to the earth. Oil, commodities, stocks, you name it. Nothing is safe or hallowed, not even bonds. Cash is KING right now. And people are selling assets including crypto which took a massive hit to below $5k just to generate cash if they need it. Many businesses like Apple and local barbershops to travel agencies and hotels that are hit hard.

By all means you would think that the sky was falling. But sometimes you have to look to the Wizard of Omaha’s words and remember when people are being fearful.. jack up that price and hit them with overpriced items… Actually no, that’s how you get kicked off Amazon and it breeds bad customer relations. Ever hear of Martin Shkreli? No? Google it. Or better yet, DuckDuckGo that s***.

Honestly, a few places with over $100 for bottles of sanitizer? People have lost their heads. This is called price gouging for those uninformed by the way. Don’t waste your money. Plus you can find alternate ways to sanitize your place… It’s not holy water folks. It’s not a panacea and cure-all elixir. You’re being snaked oiled and taken for a ride. Remember that in all situations there are winners and losers… and sometimes suckers. And if you look around and the guys next to you aren’t suckers, then YOU’RE the sucker as Tai Lopez always loves to quip.

Use your head and logic. Sanitize. But you honestly can’t protect against everything nameless or shapeless. And you wouldn’t want to. Like George Carlin said once… the body needs germs to practice on to get a nice strong immune system. People are overdoing it with antibodies and vaccines and we have these super mutated superbugs that may or may not be biologically manufactured weapons. Perhaps someone even knew about this stuff in advanced. What’s that crypto slogan btw? “The virus is spreading.” Hm. The fact is several historically several civilizations were wiped out when they were never exposed to certain diseases and you even see this in movies like War of the Worlds. You might as well walk around with a full body condom like in the movie Naked Gun. That’s safe sex, bubble boy.

Speaking of sex, you would think people would go about their daily lives. There are those that have and those that have not but want. People are seeming to like the swipe left and swipe right junk that is dating now. No conversations. No getting to no one another. It’s the Dominos of Dating. Delivery to your door. People are actually afraid of going out to events and are so scared of going out to eat and dining or going to theater events. And everything is scrubbed down. As one dating prospect told yours truly and I semiquote: “I’m not gonna swap spit with some random stranger from the net considering I might have gotten the Covid-19 virus last week.” Well nuts to that… What am I going to do when I’m holed up in my bunker going stir crazy? Guess I’m going to have to find a digital gf/bf… (See Demolition Man and other movies like Aeon Flux where everything is virtual or sterile… Or even Blade Runner 2049 for that Ryan Gosling scene… ooh yeah Ryan Gosling.)

And if no one is dating, no one is going out. What’s gonna happen? People are gonna stop reproducing. End of civilization as we know it. No, no… It’s not that bad.

Fortunately and unfortunately officials are having calling off everything and telling people to stay inside, which I do get that it’s for safety. It’s to limit the spread of germs. Schools, churches, libraries, sporting events, even March Madness. This is madness and sadness right?

So that’s what made us think, hey, you’re probably stuck at home with your significant others and kids. And not too long everyone is going to be fussing at each other. So we’re going to give the singles and bored people ideas of what to do when you’re home from spring break and with nothing to do so you don’t start eating each other. These are a few date night ideas (hey I was trying to come up with some ideas of my own and came up with a timely dating article dressed up in a Covid-19 theme). Obvi-ously you should adapt these ideas to your own situation.

List of date ideas when you’re at home (self-imposed quarantine optional):

• Paint together
• Do arts and crafts together
• Maybe show each other how to do a simple crochet or knit
• Make a simple dinner together or something more difficult
  • For example, try to make a pizza or a pie together
  • Make some cookies or rice crispies or brownies together
  • Try making a soup or casserole meal
• Can or some vegetables to use later
• Share photos and talk about the back story behind them
• Watch a movie
• Make a homemade movie or show / comedy skit with your phone and stitch it together
  • For example there are free and open source software for movie making
• Learn an instrument or language together

List of game ideas:
So you’re inviting some friends that are safe to come over or at home with kids and family on spring break. Here’s ideas of that.

• Play chess or checkers
• Put together a 100 piece puzzle
• Play Trouble
• Play Uno
• Play Battleship
• Play Jenga
• Play Tic Tac Toe
• Make up a game or use paper and pencil
• Play Charades
• Play Hangman
• Go out to your yard and play basketball
• Play some Corn hole
• Play legos or marbles or jacks
• Play cards

Craft ideas

• Make wax candles
• Make homemade soap or crayons
• Work in your garden
• Make balsa board sculptures or airplanes
• Build a gingerbread house

Other ideas to occupy the time:

• Read a book or Kindle tablet story
• Show your kids how to crack open walnuts and almonds etc with old fashioned nutcrackers

If you have the ability to still go out and enjoy a virulent-free zone then:

• TURN OFF THE TV
• Go out in nature
• Enjoy spring
• Enjoy theaters and musicals or a concert. This is a very excellent choice. Too often we are stirred up by news and need to be stirred up mentally and emotionally by getting away from all the news and just relax the mind and go to a far off place. (I actually did that this weekend and found a Great Performances piece with John Legend and Sara Bareilles and Alice Cooper. I had never seen the production and it was nice to recharge my mental batteries and imagination. Art is an excellent outlet for all the craziness in the news).
• Maybe hit up a karaoke bar… you might as well sing to your heart’s content cause there’s probably no one listening anyway or at the bars
• Go dine out and patronize your community services and libraries and stores
• Go buy a hot dog from the local hot dog vendor. He/she is probably happy to see you and you are helping local businesses who also need money to live.

Again. We need to still go about our daily lives. Despite the national and state declarations in some places that are spurring people to clear shelves and clean out all the toilet paper and deli meats … and baby supplies and hand soap and sanitizer life will go on as usual and back to normal eventually. You have to go out and support your local businesses, your fellow customers, your fellow entrepreneurs and other families. You have to shake it off and keep on moving. Although you have to admit it, these people using all these cleaning supplies are probably cleaner than they’ve ever been – First bath in a while buddy?

This has been a terrific time for preppers and hoarders to show off their I-told-you so craziness and flaunt it a bit and also gives a lesson to other to do like the ant-vs-grasshopper and think ahead multiple steps.

• You have to keep your head in the game.
• You have to stay ahead of the curve.
• You have to get yourself out of living paycheck to paycheck before the next crisis.
• Don’t rely on any one thing including the next paycheck or tax refund or other source of income coming in.
• Also it’s okay to buy a few extra items, but be smart and also leave a few for others that actually may need it even more than you in the community. You really don’t need 10 cases of soda do you?

And lastly it’s a shame that much of this “crisis” may have been adverted also if people had concentrated on other priorities. Example: in the United States much of the media coverage had been centered on months of “political trials” as early as December to early January. According to ABC News “The nation spent 134 days discussing” political malfeasance. That’s time and money and coverage and attention covering other stuff that could have been devoted to the spread of illness. Lets put that in perspective though. We did a search using “first reporting of wuhan coronavirus” and found the various dates in January to early December 2019 based on Wikipedia that reference the known threat. See “2019–20_coronavirus_pandemic” on Wikipedia which even references the existence since November 17, 2019. Then we noticed the USA trial that gives a date of “January 16 – February 5, 2020 (2 weeks and 6 days)”.

The fact is most people go through their daily lives living as zombies. We go through our daily lives thinking everything is going to be alright the time and rely on other people for our happiness, our spouses and partners. We rely on jobs to bring in the daily bread and hope we hit the lotto and that college is going to get us a job. Too many rely on that April refund to help us pay the next bill. And then when things don’t work out we are distraught and disappointed because we didn’t have a back up plan. We need to take charge of our lives and our own happiness. As Ferris says in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off: Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it. Don’t let your life fall into a routine and become a robot that you are too blinded in whatever, WHATEVER, it is in the moment that you forget you have a loved one that looks up to you, or that you can’t see the bigger picture and don’t see the forest within the trees.

Take a moment, recharge. Enjoy your life… Even if you are wiping down everything down with a little way too much Purell and eating instant potatoes with ramen and using only a single toilet paper square until the local store brings its next shipment in. Life really ain’t that bad.